When I woke up today, one of the first things I saw was Kai Cole (architect, and pertinently in this circumstance Joss Whedon’s ex-wife) had written in The Wrap about her marriage to Joss Whedon, and its end. It’s heart-breaking. I’ve updated my open letter to Joss in response.

I hate this. Joss has been a hugely visible voice for good things in the world. But there’s no point in being blind to the horrible things he has done. I still also can’t deny that his work has had a hugely positive impact on my life. That’s what the other post is really all about. Which doesn’t excuse what he did.

I am going to focus more of my gratitude for BtVS and what it’s done for me on the rest of the cast and crew. Marti Noxon, Jane Espenson, SMG, Steve DeKnight, Eliza Dushku, Alyson Hannigan, Drew Goddard… which I should have been doing from the get-go more anyways.

Shit. I don’t have any answers. I’m going to stop trying to have them. But the Mary Sue’s post on this sums it up better than me:

Now, just so we can get it out of the way: yes, this piece comes with the caveats that (1) people who are recently divorced sometimes say shitty, exaggerated things about one another because they’re in a lot of pain (2) monogamy, especially given its patriarchal history, is not a pre-condition for a feminist life. (Honesty with your partner(s) is, though!) It’s fine to consider these two points when absorbing this piece, but don’t try and use them to dismiss it, okay?

This must’ve been an incredibly difficult piece for Cole to write, and – whatever positive impact Whedon’s work may have had on the industry, or on any of us personally – it sounds like he was a pretty terrible husband. I’m sorry she had to put up with this so quietly for so long, and I hope speaking up will help her heal.